YGO diagnostic show!
by The Domexiqueen
Summary: Ever wonder what some of your favorite characters of YGO suffer from? Well look no more! This little show has dignosed your favorite YGO characters in the funniest way possible! so read and find out who is suffering from what! rated for language
1. Tea and her friendship disorder

-1Disclaimer: I own nothing on here except myself and the OCs that may pop out once in a while just to be there. I would also like to give credit to NigaHiga a very funny guy from youtube for inspiring me to make this chapter.

The Domexiqueen: HEY THERE EVERYBODY THE DOMEXIQUEEN IS BACK BABY!! And you know that this queen got some fire waiting to be set free!

Yami: don't mind her she's just a bit hyper since she ate a whole bag of sugar...

The Domexiqueen: Yep and I am so hyped that I could jump out a window!!

Kaiba: (grabs on to her) oh no you don't! We have to make this little story of yours first then you can jump out of all the windows of all the windows you want.

The Domexiqueen: oh alright... Anyways I decided to put myself with these guys for a change instead of just sitting on the side lines! As some of you already know me I am the author of "The Angel and the Pharaoh" and others may know me as the crazy reviewer that loved to kill people while reviewing to your FanFics! Now I'm here today to figure out what makes some people who they are! Now we should probably begin! Cue Music

Joey: Cueing music (music begins)

Yugi: and Action

The Domexiqueen: YAY!! Now there is now one here to torment...

Tea: (calling from across the stage) Why do you have to torment people? I mean do you have some issues that need to be resolved!!

The Domexiqueen: I don't have issues you have the issues!! (points at her)

Tea: (cries) well it all started when I was 10 years old...(sniff sniff) my parents told me that dating 'him' would be awful, but I didn't care... I was a free spirit that just needed to date that hunk of meat.

The Domexiqueen: (brings in therapist chair and patients bed/couch thing) Can you describe him to me?

Tea: (lies down) Well he was so cute, so smart, and yet a he was a dirty little pig!

The Domexiqueen: That is an awful thing to call your ex!! Only I can make fun of people!

Tea: No I mean he was really a pig

The Domexiqueen: o.O You were dating a pig?!

Tea: yes I was (takes out photos) See that is a picture of me and him shopping at Sophora, oh here is me and him on top of the sky scrapper...

The Domexiqueen: (confused) Why were you on top of the sky scrapper?

Tea: To bungee jump duh!

The Domexiqueen: Don't tell me duh! (takes out chainsaw) Or I shall cut you in half!!

Tea: 0.0 ok ok I won't just don't hurt me!!

The Domexiqueen: ok then (puts away chainsaw) as you were saying

Tea: Oh and here is when he got his first job on the "Simpson's movie" as Spider pig...

The Domexiqueen: o.O you were dating Spider pig?

Tea: He isn't spider pig anymore he's Hairy plopper and yes I was dating him until... Until... (sniff sniff)

The Domexiqueen: aw its ok you can let everything out...

Tea: (cries on The Domexiqueen's shoulder)

The Domexiqueen: (pushes her off her shoulder) HEY NOT ON ME THIS A NEW BLAZER!!

Tea: (sniff sniff) ok... Any ways he dumped me after his acting career went far... Then he had me deported back to Domino city

The Domexiqueen: I see... Tell me more

Tea: well then from there I wanted to become a dancer and I was obsessed with friendship... (sniff sniff) I never wanted to be alone...

The Domexiqueen: oh suck it up!

Tea: (stops crying and looks at The Domexiqueen with a surprised expression on her face)

The Domexiqueen: o.O oh sorry my anger issues sometimes get the best of me hehe... Ok then, as I can see here on my clipboard it says that you have what we call "Friends Really Is Everything No Dumb Shit Has Interest Preying on" disorder also known as "Friendship"

Tea: It's true I do suffer from "Friendship"

The Domexiqueen: and I also see here that not only do you have "Friendship" you have also have another disorder known as "What the Hell Omg you Really are Ewww" Disorder also known as "Whore"

Tea: so I have Friendship and Whore?

The Domexiqueen: Yes you do... Unfortunately you're a... you're a "Friendship whore" (dramatic music plays)

Tea: (cries even harder) No it can't be!!

The Domexiqueen: Calm down Tea, Quit crying right now!!(hits her repeatedly with a sledge hammer) Calm down (stops hitting her)... Does anyone in the audience have any questions?

Audience member: Oink squeal oink?

Tea: (head is straight up) is that you Hairy?

Hairy Plopper: Oink o oink oink

Tea: Did you come to take me back?

Hairy plopper: Oink... Oink o oink squeal squeal squeal

Tea: How could you?! (cries)

The Domexiqueen: Sorry audience this is rated T and if I translated what Hairy called Tea then this would have to be rated R so yeah... That's all for Today see you next time!!

Yami: please R&R and tell us who you think should be diagnosed next!!


	2. Yami is a Piece of shit!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! So sad but true... Oh well once again this story is inspired by something I saw on youtube.

The Domexiqueen: HEY EVERYBODY!! Welcome to the YGO Diagnostic show!!

Audience: (Claps and cheers)

The Domexiqueen: Oh thank you!! Stop it stop it!!

Audience: (stops)

The Domexiqueen: o.O why'd you stop?

Kaiba: because you told them to stop you idiot!

The Domexiqueen: (Takes out the chainsaw) what did you say?!

Kaiba: 0.0 where are all of your weapons coming from?

The Domexiqueen: -...-...-... I know a guy...

Kaiba: what ever! Let's just get this thing started...

The Domexiqueen: Ok! But before we do I want to say that please everybody out there don't take any of these jokes on your favorite characters personally because they are only jokes, I don't really mean anything by it so please don't get insulted... Anyways...Cue Music!!

Joey: Cueing music (music begins)

Yugi: Action!!

The Domexiqueen: As I was saying Welcome to the second taping of the YGO Diagnostic show!! Now today we are going to pick a random letter to see who will be my next victim- I mean patient for today's show!! Bring in the wheel spider pig!!

Hairy Plopper: SQUEAL!!

The Domexiqueen: Oh fine... Bring in the wheel HAIRY PLOPPER (coughspiderpigcough)

Hairy Plopper: Squeal!

The Domexiqueen: Just bring in the wheel already or I'll turn you into beacon!!

Hairy Plopper: 0.0 oink squeal oink!! (brings in wheel)

The Domexiqueen: Thank you! Yugi hand me the darts!!

Yugi: Ok!! (hands her the darts)

The Domexiqueen: (takes Darts and begins to aim) FIRE IN THE HOLE (shoots and hits a letter) Ok let's read it!! reads letter It's from goldenpuon and it says that she loves the show and would like to see Yami diagnosed next since he's already in the room with me. I think that's a great idea!!

Yami: 0.0 Oh no not me!! I have nothing wrong with me!!

The Domexiqueen: Really? Do you really have nothing wrong with you? Are sure there is not something in your past you are trying to avoid? What time is it? Is 96 divisible by four? What do you want from me? Who am I? How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The?

Yami: DQ Focus!!

The Domexiqueen: Where was I?

Yami: You were asking me about my past...

The Domexiqueen: Oh right... So any problems?

Yami: Well (lies down) My daddy left me to rule the country when I was younger...

The Domexiqueen: Go on... (Writes something down)

Yami: So because I was so young... And didn't have a daddy in my life after that horrid day... I tried to console myself with... With...

The Domexiqueen: Go on... What did you try to console yourself with?

Yami: ...With PICKLES!! (Cries) They didn't tell me they were so sour... (Sniff sniff) I was so depressed and they were in a jar!! A FREAKIN JAR!! (Cries)

The Domexiqueen: 0.0 (whispers to self) why do I always get the weird ones? (Goes back to Yami) Tell me what happened after your... Pickle addiction as you so described it?

Yami: Well... (Sniff sniff) I practically spend all my money on... Left shoes!!

The Domexiqueen: o.O why would you do such a thing?! What are you prejudicing towards right shoes?! YOU SICK MONSTER!!

Yami: (hides behind couch/bed thing and stares at her)

The Domexiqueen: oh... Sorry my temper heh... Ok then.

Yami: (gets back on the couch/bed thing) No I have no problems with right shoes... It's just that when I was learning how to dance everybody told me I had two left feet so I just bought left shoes...

The Domexiqueen: (sigh) you do know that it's an expression right?

Yami: -...-... Maybe

The Domexiqueen: (slaps forehead) anyways moving on... I think everybody here is probably wondering what you were doing for 5,000 years in the millennium puzzle all alone?

Yami: I was sleeping

The Domexiqueen: for 5,000 years?

Yami: I guess considering I ate all my pickles and worn out all of my left shoes, and also my dueling obsession...

The Domexiqueen: well time to check the clipboard and it says that you are suffering from "Distol Uranium Erratic Looking hair" disorder also known as Duel.

Yami: I know it's hard to believe but I do suffer from Duel...

The Domexiqueen: How has this duel disorder affected you?

Yami: Well I had to change my whole life because of it... The way I dress, the way I play, even the way I bathe... (Sniff sniff)

The Domexiqueen: That's very interesting Yami... But I've come to the conclusion that not only do you have "Duel" but you have another disorder referred as "Peace Is Everything the Creeps don't Even Know Of even if Freaky Stupid Horses Insisted on punching Them to death" Also known as "Piece Of Shit"

Yami: NOOOOOOO!! It can't be!! How long Domexiqueen?

The Domexiqueen: How long what Yami?

Yami: How long was I... A PIECE OF SHIT?!

The Domexiqueen: I have no idea Yami... I have no idea...

Yami: (Cries so hard) WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? (Hit's his head repeatedly on the wall)

The Domexiqueen: Yes Yami I am sorry to say but... You're a Dueling Piece Of Shit...

Yami: (Sobs) NOOOO!! Oh look cupcake! (Takes cupcake and eats it) NOOO!! (Cries)

The Domexiqueen: (grabs a hold of him then smacks his face twenty times) GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!

Yami: Ok... No more slaps though...

The Domexiqueen: (slaps him one more time) ok fine... Does anyone in the audience have any questions?

Tea: (comes on stage and hugs Yami) its ok Yami... I'm a Friendship Whore and you're a Dueling Piece Of Shit we can band together and help other freaks like us out there...

Yami: You're right!! So what if I am a Dueling Piece Of Shit!! I am going to live life as that and be proud of it!! (Runs through a brick wall) I'VE GOT THE POWER!!

The Domexiqueen: o.O ok... Anyways and that concludes the YGO Diagnostic show (thumbs up) see you Next time!!

Joey: Don't forget to review and let us know who you want diagnosed next!!


	3. Kaiba is a pompous bastard?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And I never will!! If I did own it everything would probably involve randomness and rubber pickles... Oh sorry going of topic again. I also would like to say that this story is basically inspired by something I saw on you tube by a dude named Nigahiga so thank you for the idea!! I would also like to apologize for not updating soon enough because I have been busy, my life has been complicated, and I have regents coming up so yeah sorry...

The Domexiqueen: HEY THERE!! This is The Domexiqueen coming at you straight from the BK of the NYC baby!!

Audience: (cheers and claps like a maniac)

The Domexiqueen: awwww!! You guys are too much!!

Audience: (shouts) PICKLES!! RUBBER DUCKIES!! (All jump out of windows)

The Domexiqueen: 0.0 NO!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!

Yami: THIS IS!!

The Domexiqueen: I know... NOW I HAVE NOBODY TO TELL ME HOW FABULOUS I AM!! (Cries)

Yami: um... You're fabulous...?

The Domexiqueen: (stops crying) I know right!!

Yami: let's get back to the show...

The Domexiqueen: oh fine... CUE MUSIC!!

Joey: Cueing music!! (Music begins)

Yugi: and ACTION!!

The Domexiqueen: CUE AUDIENCE!!

Tristan: Cueing audience!! (Brings millions of people)

The Domexiqueen: Welcome to the Third tapping of the YGO diagnosis show!! Time to pick the next patient to tell their life story!! Since our last show we have had many replies requesting to see Seto Kaiba diagnosed next.

Kaiba: I HATE YOU PEOPLE!!

The Domexiqueen: come on over here Kaiba!! (begins to sing as she puts on a blond wig and begins to dance) _come on over come on over baby come on over come on over baby come on over come on over baby yeah yeah yeah!!_ (Stops and sees people staring at her) ahem sorry I get carried away sometimes... Any ways Kaiba as I was saying come here...

Kaiba: (glares at her) I am not sick!! I have a bad past yes but I am not sick!! I will not go over there!!

The Domexiqueen: OH YES YOU ARE!! Or I'm getting security to get you over here... (Smirks)

Kaiba: (pales) you don't mean...

The Domexiqueen: Yes I do...

Kaiba: you're bluffing!

The Domexiqueen: Want to bet on it!! (Yells) CUBBY!!

Kaiba: (hears loud thumping and banging) 0.0 no... NO!!

Cubby: (by the way Cubby is a little bunny rabbit)

Kaiba: GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!! (Backs up against the wall)

The Domexiqueen: Only if you promise to come on over here!

Kaiba: Fine... (Sits down on the couch/ chair thing)

The Domexiqueen: It says here on my clipboard that you are a CEO am I correct?

Kaiba: Yes you are (glares daggers at her)

The Domexiqueen: Have you always been alone?

Kaiba: have you always been crazy?

The Domexiqueen: Why yes, yes I have! My psychiatrist said I should be on medication but I just slapped him across the face with a pickle, but enough about me tell me about you (grins).

Kaiba: I am not saying a thing!!

The Domexiqueen: You better... Anyways how long did you have anger problems?

Kaiba: (angered) I DON'T HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!

The Domexiqueen: yes, yes you do (smiles) now tell us about it

Kaiba: (sighs) fine... It all started long ago when I was little and I had my friends over for dinner.

The Domexiqueen: (Draws a picture of a horse then giggles) yes go on...

Kaiba: My friends were... A penny named coin and a tater tot named Nate...

The Domexiqueen: o.0 you were friends with a penny and a tater tot?

Kaiba: Yes do you have a problem with that?!

The Domexiqueen: Nnnnnnnnooooooooo... I just think it's a coincidence! I have a penny named coin too! (Smiles)

Kaiba: o.0 ok... Anyways while we were playing... I... I...

The Domexiqueen: Spit it out already!! I mean... ... Um... Tell us what happened dear...

Kaiba: ok... Anyways I got hungry and there was no food anywhere so I... I...

The Domexiqueen: yes, YES!

Kaiba: (cries) I ate NATE!!

The Domexiqueen: YOU SICK BASTARD!! (Slaps him)

Kaiba: o.o...

The Domexiqueen: oh sorry... Ahem... Anyways it's time for the diagnosis!!

Audience: YAY!!

Kaiba: just say it already.

The Domexiqueen: ok then! Hmm... According to my charts mister Kaiba you are suffering of Penny Obsessed or More likely a Potato Obsessed Unusual Son of a Bitch As well as a Stupid Tater Angered issued Retarded Dumb ass! Also know as Pompous Bastard

Kaiba: This can't be!! I am Not!!

The Domexiqueen: I'm sorry to say this but... You're a pompous bastard!

Audience: Yay!

Kaiba: (is angry but is holding it in)

The Domexiqueen: Any questions from the audience?

Tea: Yes right here!!

The Domexiqueen: ok Tea what would you like to say?

Tea: I would like to ask if (comes up on stage with Yami toward Kaiba) you would join me and Yami here to be apart of a freaks only society?

Kaiba: Why the hell would I?!

Bakura: Come to the dark side we have fresh cookies! (Smiles evilly)

Some strange dude: bring me some fries!

Kaiba: o.0 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I am not joining anyone!! jumps out a window Freedom!!

The Domexiqueen: o.o ok? Anyways that's all for today's episode of the-

Audience: (shouts) YU GI OH DIAGNOSTIC SHOW!!

The Domexiqueen: Yay!! And don't miss next week's episode where we will diagnose Joey Wheeler!!

Joey: WHAT?!

The Domexiqueen: (tapes Joey's mouth shut) see ya next time!

Serenity: Please review!


End file.
